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Diet

No, not the japanese legislature. The kind people rush to read about and try out, come the summer. The articles that populate every women's magazine there is all year long. On a side note... men's magazines make us feel like gods, women's make them feel fat and ugly. Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?

Back on topic... The thing about this that amazes me, makes me star in awe even, is the completelly moronic bases they use to create these diets. Ranging from only foods that start with the letter H (and I'd dare any woman to try and eat an hippopotamus), to only red food or just seafish or whatever. Even the ones that do work, like Atkins', are just stupid. They work for Hollywood people because them people be dumb as shit. If you have to use your brain... well, you'll need carbon hidrates. They're energy. Remember kids, energy is good! Now go suck on a power outlet!

In any case, and even though the summer is over, I'm gonna take a whack at creating some diets that could be found (and maybe some were already published somewhere...) in magazines worldwide. The first thing to do is forget everything you ever learned about nutrition... Repeat: McDonald's is good for you, ascorbic acid is evil, ice cream doesn't make you fat. That done, try these on for size:

The grape diet.
Instead of eating, stick about 20 grapes up your cornhole using your thumb. Do this while exposes to the healing energies emitted by the microwave oven. When you become an expert, try grapefruit.

The amputation diet.
Aim for the leg. You'll lose 10 pound minimum, garanteed.

The logical diet.
Stop stuffing yourself like a pig and work out. You'll be amazed at the results.

The cheetah diet.
Feed on only live cheetas for 2 month. Catch them yourself, using your bare hands. Between the time it takes to catch them and the time you spent running from them, calculate the calories you're loosing just from running.

The maggot diet.
People would drink an esquimo's piss if they though they could get thin. Then how about something that even has it's share of protein, like maggots? 4 meals a day, acoompanied by a glass of esquimo's piss, of course.

The alphabet diet.
Eat only shit that starts with an A, the stuff that starts with a B and so on. Oh, wait, this one's real!

The sex diet.
Have plenty of it. On second though, if you're thinking about trying magazine diets, you're probably fat and ugly. Please, should you decide to try this with a guy that, if he's lucky enough, will be too drunk to remember, use protection. And remember kids, a power drill to the uterus is one of the best forms of avoiding pregnancy known to man.

The lagger diet.
For men only. Did you know that drinking a six pack of beer will actually give you six pack abs? It's true. Just tell your wife that you're doing it for her. Cleaning up your puke is a small price to pay for sleeping with a greek god like yourself.

The geek diet.
Just waste away in fron of a computer. Even though the food pyramid for a computer geek is formed by pizza, mountain dew and more pizza, they ofter forget to eat. That makes them skinny... or, if they have a good memory, largelly obese. Could go both ways, try it at your own risc.

The blog diet.
Make stupid diet posts and forget that it's past your lunch time.

Follow these simple rules, buy one of those abs workout machines that even offer a nice photoshop like editor for your after picture, and you'll be set. Pretty soon everyone will stare at you on the beach... for one reason or the other.

There's no place like home

Recently I had the opportunity of taking a small trip, encompassing about half the country. It was your typical "from A to B" kind of trip, not a "stop and see the sights" one. Which was too bad because, as I looked out the window, there was an immensity of places I wanted to visit.

And that's just the thing. Our habit of taking everything for granted makes us numb to the things we have that we can easily reach. We all want to go to Egipt, Japan, Dominican Republic, Hawaii and so on, that we fail to see all the wonderfull stuff our own country has to offer. Diferences in culture, own sets of identity, traditions, locations, lakes, buildings, people.

It made me both want to get off the bus at every chance and go on forever. There were places that had the quietude of a lazy summer's sunday afternoon. Hills and valeys that you only see in postcards. Green as far as the eye could see. Air you could breathe, air you wanted to taste even.


Still, even with all that, getting back to the familiar sights and sounds of your own city, your home, even if you've only just parted... guess we all have a place where we really feel like we belong. Even if it's noisy, crowded, poluted, stressing and all.

Still, hope next summer I can take that trip again... this time, taking a stop once in a while.

On the lack of updates

Will update soon. Just need time to sort life out.

Next post will probably be on why they don't do psychological evaluation on ppl who want to be teachers. Any nutjob can be one these days.

Copulating and the town

Find the diferences!






You can't, can you? Only the most observant people would notice that the hairstyle in both pictures is slightly different.

One of the things that has annoyed me the most in all of TV history was Sex and the City. There it was, a story about 4 bitches with saggy tits, humping everything that moved (although I think one of them humped a tetraplegic once... not sure) and all pretending that the main character didn't look like an anorectic horse.

It'd almost be credible too, since there are a lot of guys out there that would hump a horse and worst even. The problem was that most guys were model-like. Shit, most of them were models. Most normal looking guys wouldn't fuck some of them with their dog's dick, and yet, here they are, getting grade A cock. Strikes me as odd, that's all.

The cool thing this show had, though, was the fact that most women saw it as a show that empowered women. Makes sense. Porn does the exact opposite because the chicks are hot. Replace all the characters in porn with saggy titted horses and there's empowerment. Damn, GILF pron must be the most women empowering thing known to men. (If you ever saw a GILF movie willingly, please go and hang yourself).

The point I'm trying to make is, guys are shallow. Chicks, mostly ugly dike-like chicks know this, and think life should be like Sex and The City, so that they could get laid without geting the guy pissed drunk and putting a plastig bag over their heads afterwards to hide the ugly. Maybe a flag... the guy can always said he did it for his country!

If you look like a horse, people will know you look like a horse. Some will even tell you (and you'll insult us after that... we are just trying to help). And reember... a dildo doesn't care if you're ugly or beautiful. And as for love, doves will love just about anything, given that it's covered with enough barbecue sauce. Oh, and if you try to combine both... go and join the GILF lovers!

Mating rituals - the "gunas"

Gunas.

A slang used to describe all those assholes who wear their caps in stupid ways, have shitloads or earings, moronic haircuts, baggy pants and the IQ of a watermelon. Still, they provide the casual observer with hours of entertainment, If one just decides to study their habits. A bus is always a great place for such wildlife observations.

Today we look at their mating habits. The following report was noted on a bus, but it applies in any location where there might be gunas (never singular... they always travel in packs) and a female... sometimes, regardless of species. After marking their territory in the back of a bus by expanding their bodies in order to take up as much space as possible. gunas lie in wait for prey. Soon, a fat, brainless female aproaches. She is wearing clothes 4 numbers bellow her size and has huge udders. Perfect.

The alpha male begins by exacting his dominance over the others. He does this by emiting guttural sounds and spreadinf his legs further. He may at times adjust his cap and perform some acts of grooming. He the stares at the female and contorts his face, smiling to indicate approval. This dos not go unnoticed by the female. The remaing members of the pack support his move by sometimes chanting to get the female's attention, but remain submissive to the alpha male. this is indicated by their awe in regard to his attitude.

After this, the soned emitted take the form of what seems to be primitive compliments. They begin with a sort of appraisal to the female's body, thus strengthening the idea that they are interested in mating. If the female's interestes, she'lll respond with several quick glances, giggles and an ocasional smile. Given this positive responce, the alpha prowls for attack. He positions himself upright, signals the rest of the pack to offer him space but be prepared to follow him and moves in. He'll either sit next to the potential mate or in the seat behind him. Not being known by his intelectual apptitute, he engages in conversation with generic questions such as "Do you like music?" or "o you eat food?". She'll respond with monosylables and grunts, thus finalizing the pre-mating courtship.

They'll eventually copulate, have hatchlings and the cycle repeats itself again. The female will go on to be up to three times her initial weight, and the male will spend his time in coffe shops and bars until he dies.

More on that later.