Mating rituals - the "gunas"

Gunas.

A slang used to describe all those assholes who wear their caps in stupid ways, have shitloads or earings, moronic haircuts, baggy pants and the IQ of a watermelon. Still, they provide the casual observer with hours of entertainment, If one just decides to study their habits. A bus is always a great place for such wildlife observations.

Today we look at their mating habits. The following report was noted on a bus, but it applies in any location where there might be gunas (never singular... they always travel in packs) and a female... sometimes, regardless of species. After marking their territory in the back of a bus by expanding their bodies in order to take up as much space as possible. gunas lie in wait for prey. Soon, a fat, brainless female aproaches. She is wearing clothes 4 numbers bellow her size and has huge udders. Perfect.

The alpha male begins by exacting his dominance over the others. He does this by emiting guttural sounds and spreadinf his legs further. He may at times adjust his cap and perform some acts of grooming. He the stares at the female and contorts his face, smiling to indicate approval. This dos not go unnoticed by the female. The remaing members of the pack support his move by sometimes chanting to get the female's attention, but remain submissive to the alpha male. this is indicated by their awe in regard to his attitude.

After this, the soned emitted take the form of what seems to be primitive compliments. They begin with a sort of appraisal to the female's body, thus strengthening the idea that they are interested in mating. If the female's interestes, she'lll respond with several quick glances, giggles and an ocasional smile. Given this positive responce, the alpha prowls for attack. He positions himself upright, signals the rest of the pack to offer him space but be prepared to follow him and moves in. He'll either sit next to the potential mate or in the seat behind him. Not being known by his intelectual apptitute, he engages in conversation with generic questions such as "Do you like music?" or "o you eat food?". She'll respond with monosylables and grunts, thus finalizing the pre-mating courtship.

They'll eventually copulate, have hatchlings and the cycle repeats itself again. The female will go on to be up to three times her initial weight, and the male will spend his time in coffe shops and bars until he dies.

More on that later.