Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction...

Suicide.

Some people hear that word and think, "that's fucked up". After all, what is it good for, other that giving psichologists a wet dream over the possibility of affording a new BMW? You might say it's pointless, true... but so is life. You eat, sleep, fuck and die. No more, no less. Animals got it right, humans (who are animals too, though fucked up and too proud to name themselves that), that's just it. Passing on the genes.

Still, humans have one thing that they don't, a need for a purpose, or at least a sense of purpose. We don't like to think that we're really just a fraction of an infinitesimal amount of a spec of dust, with a lifespan too short to be mesured and no impact what-so-ever on the universe. That and we have the ability to destroy. Consciencely destroy. And why not, the ability to destroy oneself.

I used to think that the mere thought of killing yourself was something for the weak-minded, that you'd always find a better alternative. Giving up was never the way. But the truth is, Einstein was right, everything is relative, humans included. We define ourselves by our relations with the world and others. Sometimes, they change. If that change is big enough, if something you need is suddenly gone, if you have nothing else to cling on to, you mind buckles under the weight of it all.

You snap, and when you do, when you can't see a way out, when there's nothing there for you, when there is no more hope, no reason to live... then it all seems so simple, as if the answer was always there. Not a good answer, not even a viable solution... but a way out. Something that promisses to solve all those problems, take it all away. Despair, pain, loneliness, inadequacy, hate, pressure, lack of purpose... it may all disapear, forever, with such a simple action. And it still wouldn't make sense if you were ok. But at that point, during the times when all your inner demons are tormenting you, during the times when you know that nothing you can do can help you, there it is. You can just end it all.

Cowards way out, some may say. They'd be right too. But at times, you just don't have the strength, can't find the strength to go on. Worse even, can't find a reason to even try to do so.
Some others will say that's a way to get attention. It may be so, but not for any selfish reasons. When you alone can't find something to live for, you start looking for answers elsewhere. You hope that someone around you may have the answers you seek. They'll never satisfy you, you know that. But at least you feel less lonely.
Selfish act, most will agree. Ah, enough with the bulshit, man is a selfish creature. Even our acts of alturism are done because they make us feel good about ourselves. Still, one must think of the ones we leave behind. Sometimes we can't afford to be selfish.

Truth is, when you reach that point when you think about wasting yourself, the only one who can get you out is yourself. We are born alone, we die alone. We must algo get through what happens between alone. Friends help, but you must still want to get over it. And you will. If you fight, just a bit, soon everything will be all right. We didn't get to where we are without some serious adaptability skills. Adapt ou die... and you'll adapt. This, too, shall pass away.

Then, the reasons that lead you down that path will look lesser pains, you'll begin to wonder how the got you down. Someone died, it happens. Part of life. You lost your job, you'll get a new one. Life changed, change with it. Someone left, people always drift apart. Lost the love of your life... stop being dramatic, someone else will appear. Don't like your life at the moment, change it. And it sound so easy too. The truth is, it's not about weakness. Humans are fragile. After a while, you'll stop thinking about death, about suicide. Or at least, think less about it. Things'll get better... most of the times. It'll look like a silly thought... most of the times. You'll get over it... most of the times.

Still, it never goes completely away. Not once you've thought about it. It stays there, in the back of your mind, taunting you. Know what I say? Fuck it. Everyone's got probems. If death wants ya, make it work for it. And if you really decide to end your life, take someone along. At the time you won't care, but do it. Take some fucker who's disapearence would make the world a better place. Martyrdom always sounds cooler that being the fucker who wasted himself for nothing!